WWE Wrestlemania XXXIII Review

Hola amigos! It took me a while to write this review as I just finished partying with mi hermano, a very good hombre, Mr. Worldwide! And, cabron! Who would have thought it wasn’t him that would have the worst Wrestlemania performance? And that says something. So let’s review that ultimate thrill ride (stupid name) that started so exciting (!) but then ended in a train wreck. Weeeeeeee.

68 hour Kick-Off Show.

They actually still showed 40 (!!!) minutes of video packages in the beginning. Couldn’t we just use that time to actually, well, see wrestling? Like the Usos and American Alpha for example? But nvm. Netflix Videopackage and chill also works for me.

Austin Aries vs. Neville

As good as expected. Too bad the crowd wasn’t that much into it but they probably saved their energy for later. The match itself was fine and I liked that Neville used some A double tricks to win this one. Good start into the night!

Winner: Neville. Rating **1/2

Andre the Giant Battle Royal

Huge clusterfuck here. Everybody ganged up to eliminate Big Show and then Braun. We got a celeb (Rob Gronkowski) intervening and his pal, Mojo Rawley, get the win. The Fuck?

Winner: Mojo Rawley, Rating *

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

That wasn’t terrible but also wasn’t super exciting as we’ve seen both guys going at it a few times now. I was waiting for some must see spots but it was all just there. Not super bad, not awesome. And maybe a missed chance to further boost Corbin’s run.

Winner: Dean Ambrose, Rating *1/2

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

I thought this match would be kill me already but hey, Shane actually picked the American announce table for his spot. Thanks for that! Even though Shane didn’t jump of anything else that was 394 meters high this match was surprisingly good. It was a wrestling match and Shane actually wrestled and used his ‘real’ MMA and Muay Thai training to get some offense in. Obviously you have to give AJ Styles tons of credit for making this whole thing work but overall this match felt like both of them have rather good chemistry together and it was nice to see Shane go Coast 2 Coast one more time. And man, that shooting star press at the end. Respect old man! Having AJ Styles win was the right call of course and, once more, respect to both for making it work and one of the more enjoyable matches of the night.

Winner: AJ Styles, Rating ***

United States Championship: Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

As Y2J entered we saw a HUGE List Of Jericho next to the stage. Awesome. He also came with an illuminated blinking scarf rather than his old school jacket. Nice touch! The match itself then was pretty good even though it lacked a bit of urgency. It still was good though as both of them are awesome performers but I simply expected more aggressiveness. At one point KO only avoided the pinfall by literally putting one finger (!) on the rope. That was pretty cool! Close to the end we saw Jericho turning a pop up powerbomb into a codebreaker which was pretty dope and then KO slid out of the ring, put Jericho on his shoulders and showed the apron powerbomb to end things. All good, right winner. Well done.

Winner: Kevin Owens, Rating ***

WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Bayley (vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Great start into this match. With lots of cool spots and then the 3 horsewomen teaming up to get Nia down. Reminded me a bit of NXT Takeover when DIY and Revival teamed up to beat AOP down. After Nia was out it didn’t take too long and Sasha was next which was a bit disappointing as I simply can’t connect to Bayley in the ring. The homestretch was ok but also a bit bland. Moreover they botched to expose the turnbuckle which was actually used for two finished (Sasha’s elimination and Bayley’s win).

Winner: Bayley. Rating **

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus vs. The Hardy Boyz

DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE! Fuck yeah! Nothing much to say. The Hardy Boys are back! Surprise entrance and the crowd went fucking nuts. Highlight of the night. Knowing they just had a match the night before against the Bucks of Youth this was awesome. Some awesome retro spots and of course Jeff did a fucking swanton of the highest ladder onto another ladder with Cesaro on it. Sheamus and Cesaro did a good job playing to the Hardys here and even Enzo wasn’t as much as a liability as expected. This could easily have gone longer imo. Great fun!

Winners: The Hardy Boyz! Rating ****

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

We knew what would happen before and, of course, it happened. Miz got in a bit of offense which was nice but in the end Nikki and Cena hit stereo finishers and got the double pin. And then the proposal. Of course. Meh.

Winners: Cena & Nikki, Rating *1/2

Non-Sanctioned Match: Seth Rollins vs. Triple H

Good start, ok finish. Body of the match went on way toooooo long for my taste. Triple H always tries to create epic matches but that just doesn’t happen by boring the shit out of the crowd. The Stephanie spot where she went through the table on the outside was nice, the Sledgehammer tease etc was also good even though it was stupid of Rollins to just kinda hand it to Trips. The pedigree in the end came somehow outta nowhere even though the teased it a lot before.

Winner: Seth Rollins, Rating: **1/2

WWE World Championship: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

So this also happened. Bullshit match. And that’s me saying that who is actually kind of an Orton fan. But fuck this shit man. And those video projections onto the canvas? And the RKO really outta nowhere with not that much impact? What the hell?

Winner: Randy Orton, Rating: Fuck you. 

WWE Universal Championship: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

Just as expected but much more entertaining than feared. It was actually cool to see Brock taking Goldberg to Suplex City. Goldberg with some short offense, Brock leapfrogging the spear and then just going nuts. Great match layout. Well done for what it was.

Winner: Brock Lesnar, Rating **3/4

WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship: Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella w/ James Ellsworth vs. Mickie James vs. Naomi vs. Natalya

So many ladies involved here and so little time. Like a five minute match or so. Lots of back and forth and fine for the kind of match and time they had and, of course, Naomi got her big home town win. I expected the crowd to be more invested here and pop more for her but maybe they’ve been tired at that point.

Winner: Naomi, Rating **

Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker

I love the Undertaker. I grew up with him and have the upmost respect for him but that match was shit and you can’t only blame it on Reigns. Even though Reigns was as boring as always (and the fuck….rope break in a no DQ match?) Undertaker also put on the worst match of his career I believe.

Winner: Roman Reigns, Rating * (I can’t give the Undertaker an F)

Afterwards Reigns left and the Undertaker slowly got back up and then left his ring gear (hat, gloves, coat) in the ring and went back ‘home’.


The crowd was kinda lame most of the time. Might also be because it was outdoors so it didn’t translate that well to the TV screen and I assume WWE edited lots of chants out while on the air.

Overall I really enjoyed the early stages of the main card. Shane & AJ, KO & Y2J and the return of the Hardyz. Afterwards it really went down the drain fast and ended on a really boring note. Sure emotions ran wild after The Undertaker retired but match wise the last matches really sucked.

What do you think? Did you enjoy Wrestelmania 33?



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